Thursday, November 04, 2004

On Me being a flaSher and reMiNiScing

Flasher in the food court

Lets see what happened today. Oh I went to Ikano with my roomie and her friend Janice. Saw 2 kids on a leash and images of people taking out their pet dogs came to mind. I was buying food when my button on my trousers popped and the worse thing is that my pants are held together by Velcro (the Velcro is where the zip is). Yes it was an embarrassing moment for me.The Velcro couldn’t stay shut and well, let’s just say I would be flashing more than just undies if you get my drift.

Was clearing out some space on my hotmail account and came across emails from my theater mates in 2001. Was reading emails from Shawn. He was the producer and I was the assistant. He is definitely one flirtatious bastard :) Apparently his kryptonite is a smile (from pretty gals of course lol). Its weird but reading his emails and thinking about the times spent with him, the last time we met really sticks in my mind.

The Last Meeting in Hartamas

It was our first meeting after theater was over. We met at Devi’s a mamak in Bangsar. At first it felt a little weird and we were just talking surface level talk. I know I definitely had this thought “Well I guess we have nothing to talk about after theater huh!”.
His friend came over later on, pretty nice guy though I can’t remember his name. Anyway we ate, had small talk and then proceeded to Hartamas for shisha. Things loosen up after that but seriously guys don't try banana flavored shisha. It tastes like artificial bananas ... bleh. After his friend left we started mamak hoping and this is where the weird shit happened.
Weird Shit
We were sitting at a table outside (…thinking about it makes me freeze up a little) and we were just chatting. I don’t know how long we talked but after a while I felt this really dark presence. I only took noticed of it after sms-ing this guy (Ramon) whom I liked then but I was in denial (he is now my bf la). It started from a distance on my left. As it came closer it seemed that my surroundings became darker even though light was emitting from the mamak. This presence was definately coming our way. I can’t really remember all of it but I did know that at one point I felt it behind me and it was so dark but powerful. It felt like it was consuming all of my energy and was trying to break me. Wait I think it felt more like it wanted to get inside of me or it wanted me to embrace it or something like that.
I really got to say that it was dark. It wasn't evil, just very dark.It felt like within it nothing existed except for depression, despair and a feeling of hopelessness and that was all it knew. It definitely didn’t originate from me. I mean I had my bouts of rainy days but nothing like this. Hell I was scared (still a little freaked out now just thinking about it) but I have a rebellious streak in me and I guess that kept me from giving in at first. During this whole time both me and Shawn didn’t utter a single word. Finally I decided to get up and go to the ladies. I thought that this presence would go away but it didn’t. I felt it followed me, though it wasn’t as strong as before. I think it went away after I just mentally gave away when I was still in the restroom. Shite I remember peeing and still feeling the presence. It felt like I have done some sort of deal just to get it of my back (literally).
I got out of the restroom and went back to the table. I guess it all won’t seem so real if Shawn didn’t say that he felt the presence too. In a way when he said he felt that presence I was relieved because it meant that I wasn’t going crazy but it really made the “deal” seem more real.

--can’t write about this no more –

My heart feels heavy after writing this incident but it makes me more determine to go through with things with Ramon. I don’t think that I am that same person in that story. Need my sleep. Good night world.

*May no one ever have that kinda of presence within.

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