Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Are you An Artist?

Weekend workshop organized by Sisters In Islam (SIS) : - Artist and Activists for Justice
Venue : - Shah Village Hotel…beside A&W near Amcorp Mall
Random thoughts 1 throughout the workshop.

4th of August 2005

Are you An Artist?

No one would say they are an artist. Why? I think we are afraid to put labels on ourselves. Set up too high an expectation on yourself? Artist are an elite class? Is it beyond our reach? Unattainable? Low self esteem = modesty?

My take is that we got to be brave. Brave enough to face the critics. Brave enough to put ourselves there; In the line of fire.
[- - Ouch

Friday, August 05, 2005

Exhibition and road Rage

Had a pretty good night. The whole morning was spent sleeping on the couch pushing the dogs head and legs away. The neighbour is renovating and the sounds of the drilling and pounding….Jeez its torture so as you can see my days in the house is pretty bad
One week mid term break right now

Sun goes down ..and moon comes up

Back to the creatures of the night. Creative Chargers here I come. Was charging all the way to the Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) Center when oopsie doo its Creative Change. Well I met Jac who seems to be the mastermind behind this project and had my Orientation. I really didn’t know there was an orientation. Well the orientation left me with a free teh o ais limau (ice lime tea?) and loads of interesting comments thrown with cussing from jac. I was kind off hoping to see how a meeting would go. A little disappointed but you can’t stay down long with good company.
The meeting ended

Reka arts gallery - exhibition by Sharon Chin = boats and bridges.
Sharon used to go to my high school and God damn my high school mates are there.

Don’t ask me why but I am just an anti social when it comes to people who knew me..ok ok I was angry and repress in high school. I was angry. I thought everyone was lame…except me ehhe. I was bored. Guys look at me weird when I played basketball. Ahh high school. I just remember tons of anger and good friends.

Well back to the exhibition so yea I was avoiding a couple of people. You may say I am stuck up but I just feel its all hypocritical talking to them. I don’t know. That’s how I feel.

So the exhibition opening night. At first I didn’t really get it, it made no sense to me (but that was probably the brains talking and thinking about the amount of people in the small space) I would say that there seem to be a reoccurring theme to the exhibition. The one that stood out would be the installation (is that the right word?) with barricade tape flapping in the air conditioned room. The piece that left the most impression in me after I left was this piece which….trying hard to think of a description. Ok imagine a big piece of liquid paperery white paper all grainy and white. Now scatter islands around filled with square block cells much like your little mathematics exercise books you used in high school. Fill the cubes with statements and letters and finally make sure everything is 2-D and there you have it the piece that left an impression on my mind. Its not so much visually stimulating for me but answering the questions written on the islands. Name 5 anatomical body part. Erm not too sure about that. Name 5 porn websites (I am sure its easy for some but all my mind came up with is zilch. Dead tone) Name 5 philosophers ooo I know that Socrates,Plato erm yea I know that …lala name 5 poets…Blake?
Anyway the point is it actually made me a little embarrassed because I couldn’t answer these questions (not the porn site one la) like 5 philosophers hello I should be able to and poets ooo is Dante a poet? Well anyway it just shows how ignorant I am and that is why I like that piece.

- End of exhibition –

Sister is going for her driving test on Monday so people pray for her. She took me for a drive and we were practicing her driving on the slope which is the entrance of the park near my place. Well today my sister got a taste of road rage. This guy parked his car at the entrance god knows what he is doing there with his girlfriend. And when he saw my sis stopping at the slope which leads to the entry he had the nerve to drive straight up and block her and whats worse flashing his stoopid beamer into her eyes. Naturally since she was practicing her slope, the car was at a stand still for sometime and me being stubborn I told her not to start the car…after all he was heading in the wrong direction number 1. number 2 we could have drove past him but no Mr. asshole had to block us and flash his headlights at us. me being me I was ranting and cursing at him in the car and zen like my sister sat through all my ranting. In the serenity of the house she started stomping and cursing him. Now I was surprise because I thought I was the only one pissed at him. Damn we could have taken him out…not.

Rage - boiling point

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Identity- Who Am I and Story

Finished this piece, Identity- Who Am I, at about 5am plus. My boobs are in there some where eheheheh.

erm i guess i should start on my writing exercise.Anyway the picture made me write this little story.


“Where am I?”

I shudder despite the hot sun beating down on me.
I remember the first time I woke up in the hospital bed, the ceiling fan beat slowly round and round and everything was white and pristine. I hear a woman sobbing beside my bed.

“Who are you. Why are you crying.”
“Oh Sherly, Oh Sherly”
“Who is Sherly”

Waking up seems like a decade ago but in truth it has only been a month ago. I hear all sorts of things about Sherly. She is the most popular girl in school, captain of the cheerleading squad, and doing well academically. She was the girl that every girl want to be. Perfect.

I have the “greatest” boyfriend who is attentive to my every need according to my best friend Rory. Doug is nice about everything. He walks me to class and eats lunch with me everyday. Every time we leave for class or home he gives me a peck on the cheek.
This is supposedly the guy of my dreams and at this moment kissing him I feel no more love for him than I do for a teddy bear in the shop that I did not grow up with.

How long is it before the fa├žade would show? How can I go through it all? Everything is so perfect.

Everyone expects me to be the girl I was but I don’t know this person they keep mentioning. I reek with guilty for feeling this way. My best friend, my boyfriend and my parents, I think they aren’t really mine at all, they belong to someone else. I know that I should love them but somehow it seems as if the memories that are washed away took the feelings with it too. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way but sometimes I feel so lost and alone. Every time people talk about her, I want to run up and just scream at them. This is more than just living an angst ridden teenage life; this is trying to live up to an identity. The one identity who is perfect and yet supposed to be Me. I don’t feel like this girl that everyone knows. The popular girl, the smartest girl, the girl that has everything going for her, Who is this? Who am I? Am I someone else or I do still have remnants of her left?

God please give me strength.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Taking Steps

Went web surfing and some how I came to this site. Well if you can read Malay than you can get a better picture. Basically people are people and they are arguing about who is right. I don’t know how I really feel about this. Here are people from arguing among themselves. I guess in a way without argument things aren’t going to progress and thoughts won’t be shared but somehow people saying “My religion is better that yours” just don’t cut it with me. Its akin to saying that My car is bigger and better etc. Some how reading halfway through it just seem so petty. Here we have the poor suffering, people getting mugged, politicians digging holes and burying all their “extra cash” and the orang asli’s rights are getting trampled on and all people care about is who is right. Whose religion is better. Hell vs Heaven. I am no atheist but it seem to me that loads are people are pretty concern about where they go after they die which doesn’t really make sense because you only have one life and one chance. Why not make it a better place for everyone instead?

There are many questions thrown about but I think in live its easier to ask rather than get answers. Maybe live is about asking question but I think that the quest for the answer is more important. Hmm maybe that is why the word quest is in the word question?

Been thinking a lot after theater. I’ve been depress a couple of days ago but I think maybe its because a change is coming over to me. I’ve always wanted to change the world but I learnt to aim small and try and change/help(hopefully) the people around me; hopingly that I was doing my part to make the world a better place. Now I think its time I come out from my cocoon of laziness and make believe. Its time to step up and stop making excuses. I find myself drawn to NGOs and volunteer spaces (mainly web surfing). It may be baby steps for now but I guess I need to learn how to crawl before running. Today there maybe a meeting with Women's Aid Organisation (WAO) and this weekend I am going to a workshop with Sisters In Islam(SIS) . I know that I held many biasness and prejudicial feelings towards Islam but I guess I should learn about what I am judging ehh.

Paused to continue reading the postings…

Aiyoo people are so funny. Sigh-ing off