Saturday, March 26, 2005
Loads of us do but choose not to do anything about the situation because we are a bunch of slobs (me inclusive)
When it comes to matters of the HEART I think I am at a lost.
Demand too much and you put too much pressure on the other person. Repress and it all comes spilling out like a burst dam in danger of drowning whomever in its path.
So what am I suppose to do?
Someone once told me that being emotional is WOMEN'S greatest GIFT. Well sometimes I wish that I am not entitled to this gift because it sure hurts a lot. Even more so because it makes me need a person to be there for me.
I once had a person there for me but he is lost to me because of my jealousy, anger, envy, disappointments and frustrations. That one person made me feel that he understood my emotions and I thought that I can show him all of who I am.
At this point in time I feel CONFINED to a certain compartment of who I am. I am not whole and complete.
Sometimes it feels like a fairy tale when I am around him and everything is fine and beautiful. When we are apart I see the CRACKS in my heart and soul and I cry inside.
The problem lies within me.
I have WITHDRAWN my passion and I cannot bring myself to bond with him spirituality because I have lost part of myself and my faith in Love.
I am cowering in the shell of my heart fearful that if I let him inside again I will fall with no one to catch me.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
People tend to associate this word with things that are embarrassing. But in your own private space, masturbation would be an act of pleasure for oneself would it not?
You know I had this thought, that maybe without masturbation, we would all go crazy. Given the fact that it would to a certain extend be embarrassing when caught in the midst of the execution but you do know that endomorphism are released into the brain whenever we orgasm. So if you think about it, people would probably be less stressful and in fact happier if they have orgasms at a regular basis.
Maybe in certain ways we are all so stressed up with living up to expectations with work, friends, lovers that masturbation would be a release sort of. The only time when you are pleasured and only your own contentment matter.
***Masturbating my brain cells***
Thursday, March 17, 2005
In a way I can’t imagine myself being with a woman because women are generally more emotional and I need someone to balance me and calm me down (ahah sort of like an excuse to throw a tantrum). I tried envisioning myself with a woman (emotionally not sexually) and I cannot see it. I just get the feeling that being with a woman would be sort of burdensome. I know I am not the world’s most rational person but really girls can be so petty at times.
(In case anyone is wondering no I am not talking about anyone in particular just a general group of girls)
Alright in a way I grew up disliking girls because they were the ones who ostracized me when I was in my primary school. The guys were more accepting and they weren’t as “sensitive” as girls. I don’t get it. At times it seems like women are their own worst enemy.
On a little kiddy trip to my childhood
I kinda skipped school when I was in primary 1 and ended up in a Chinese school. In a way it is sort of like a nightmare for me in the sense that I only had one friend and when that friend said she didn’t want to be friends anymore, girls didn’t talk to me so I ended up hanging out with the guys.
Well I got over that whole I hate girls thingy. The 2 closest friend with me are women (can’t say girls any more can I). the one thing I love about guy friends is the fact that you can yak all sort of crap or do stoopid stuff and it wouldn’t matter. Jackass whatever.
Psychoanalysis : Maybe it has to deal with my relationship with my mom.
Here is a question if your partner cheats on you would you blame the other person or your partner?
Most of my girl friends blames the other one person. I guess I would take precautions but I would be terribly disappointed and hurt by my partner after all my partner would be the one who succumb right? Would I punch the other person? I don’t know. In a way I think Ramon is the longest lasting relationship I have is the fact that he is the only guy who ever assured me that he wouldn’t cheat on me.
Why would people cheat on each other?
Theory : Boredom?
I think its mostly because they aren’t satisfied with the relationship or themselves…