Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Sitiawan Ah Mah

Ah Mah
I always had fond memories of my grandma in Sitiawan Perak so it kind of pains me to see her so weak and helpless. I always felt that my ah mah was a proud person and even when she could walk she never really wanted to accept help from anyone except for the rare occasions.

Yesterday my dad, sis and me when down to visit her. I would like to think that our visit did some good because when we left today, ah mah said that the next time that we see her she would be able to walk. I guess we killed the monotony of her life.

We arrived at their place (2 unmarried aunts and ah mah) at about 3:30pm and I was tired. Got on the floor and had a nap

Ah mah was in a chair and she was trying to switch on/off a light. She couldn’t get up from her chair so she kept using a long wire and press the switch. In the end I couldn’t take it so I lift her from her chair and got her to press on the switch. When she sat down she look had a look of resignation and at the same time there was a sense of being relieved. I can’t remember exactly what she said but it made me tear.

“It's inevitable. The gates of heaven is open and I cannot avoid it any more. It is time that I walk through it"

Me about to tear in the dream... WOKE UP

I don’t know if it is a premonition but even before we went down I get the feeling that my ah mah didn’t really had much time on this earth any more. In a way I am praying that she live long enough to at least see me get married because I owe this woman a lot. Yea she spoilt me when I was a child and bought me junk food when my mom didn’t buy any for me. I know its selfish but I want my ah mah to be with me just for a little longer. I enjoy going down and visit her because it is a short vacation from the stress and ugliness of city life. I guess what I really fear is that if she is gone there won’t be a purpose to visit Sitiawan any more and I really feel close to my aunts too. There is a possibility that we won’t go down as often as we do.

There was a time that I had an ugly experience while walking to tuition and I told my parents about it. The thing is my mom sort of blamed my dad.

(Maybe she just just needed something or somebody to blame for the moment)
Anyway a few days after the incident I felt this strong urge to call home.

This was in high school Form 4

I called home and my dad picked up. I just asked him if we could chat for a while and at the end of the conversation he said that it was lucky that I called because he and my mom had a huge argument over the incident and because of that he was going to leave to Sitiawan until I called.

Don’t know just feel like talking about this incident :P

Makes me think that maybe we all have hidden abilities


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