matteRS of the he-ART

Ever wish that things could be different from the way it is now?
Loads of us do but choose not to do anything about the situation because we are a bunch of slobs (me inclusive)

When it comes to matters of the HEART I think I am at a lost.
Demand too much and you put too much pressure on the other person. Repress and it all comes spilling out like a burst dam in danger of drowning whomever in its path.

So what am I suppose to do?

Someone once told me that being emotional is WOMEN'S greatest GIFT. Well sometimes I wish that I am not entitled to this gift because it sure hurts a lot. Even more so because it makes me need a person to be there for me.

I once had a person there for me but he is lost to me because of my jealousy, anger, envy, disappointments and frustrations. That one person made me feel that he understood my emotions and I thought that I can show him all of who I am.
At this point in time I feel CONFINED to a certain compartment of who I am. I am not whole and complete.
Sometimes it feels like a fairy tale when I am around him and everything is fine and beautiful. When we are apart I see the CRACKS in my heart and soul and I cry inside.

The problem lies within me.

I have WITHDRAWN my passion and I cannot bring myself to bond with him spirituality because I have lost part of myself and my faith in Love.
I am cowering in the shell of my heart fearful that if I let him inside again I will fall with no one to catch me.